Ode to a fly.

I have sun shades on the two rear windows of my car. They've been there since a few weeks after Jack was born. Jack complains about them from time to time saying that they're either not sticking or blocking the view, other times he gets upset when I take them down because they stop the sun brighting him.

When Jack was 2 a fly had managed to get caught between the shade and the window. We were driving somewhere when Jack noticed the fly buzzing around trying to get out.

Mommy there's a bug!
Where hon?
On my window. I'm gonna squish it.
No hon, leave him alone.
Why?
Because he's not hurting anyone. Just leave him alone, we'll let him out when we stop.
You shouldn't squish bugs should you.
No you shouldn't.

A few minutes passed then we had a confession.

Mommy I squished him.
Oh honey.
I didn't mean to, I just wanted to.
Jack we told you to leave him alone.
I know but I'm sorry. He's not moving now.
No because you squished him.
Is he died?
If you squished him then he's probably died.
Is he in heaven now?
Yes.
But I can still see him. This lead to what is an ongoing conversation about the soul, which Jack still struggles to understand.
Yes hon, his body it still there but his soul has gone to heaven.

The next day we were driving again and Jack noticed the fly's body was gone.

Mommy, the bug is gone.
Yes.
Is he gone to heaven?
His soul has hon, yes.
But I can't see him now. He has gone to heaven.


The reason I write this is because to this day, Jack still talks about the fly. Every now and then we'll hear a little sullen remark about the fly from the back seat. It's been over a year and he still thinks about it every time he looks out the window and it still makes him sad. It's probably what ultimately lead to what I wrote about in The D Word.

So fly, if you're out there reading this. Jack is very sorry he squashed you.